Splitting the bill with my drinking friends

Is there a protocol for this?

Thanks for the pic, Nk Ni

I stopped drinking altogether 8 years ago. I didn’t go out to dinners with drinking friends for about a year. Then when I started up again, I went to Delfina in San Francisco with about five other friends, all of whom were drinking. I said, I’m not drinking so I’ll get a separate check. One friend was like, that’s crazy, we’ll all just split the bill. I realized then and there that it makes people uncomfortable when one diner asks for their own bill; it adds a layer of stink to the whole dining experience. I’m not sure why. But trust me, it does.

Fast forward to today. Now, I’ll occasionally have one glass of wine, sparkling maybe, or a mocktail, which pretty much costs as much as a glass of wine. More often than not I end up sharing the wine with someone at the table because I can’t finish the whole glass. I never have more than one. My friends though, well they’re a different story.

When I go out to dinner with friends, they usually have two glasses, sometimes three, four, even more. No judgement! And every time I wonder, when will they offer to pay more, rather than the usual “split the check down the middle”? Like maybe offer to pay the gratuity, or well anything. Something? But usually nothing is said and we just split the bill. I’m left wondering how many glasses of wine, how many cocktails have I purchased for my friends? I’m not mad about it. Yet here we are.

So summer is here, with lots of dinners coming, and I need a plan. Or do I? Is the more grown up thing to do let it go? I bet the Ethicist at the NY Times would say yes. Not that they’re always right, but they may be on to something. It feels like it’s just not worth the awkward conversation or the stink that inevitably descends. I certainly don’t want to jeopardize or sour a friendship over a few dollars.

So I’m heading off to a restaurant tonight and will likely split the bill. If you’re going with me, maybe offer to pay the tip?